The problem: My child’s anger issues gets them into trouble.
Notice what triggers your child’s anger issues.
Do: Pay attention to what kinds of situations trigger your child’s temper. As soon as they’re calm, ask them who or what they’re angry with 鈥� You? Someone else? Homework? Loss of a privilege? Themselves?
Get them on board to try a new approach.
Do: Give your child compelling reasons to change their behavior. Expressing their feelings in a less offensive way will improve their relationships with their peers and teachers, and may prevent unsafe altercations.
Put their anger in context.
Do: Give your child opportunities to talk about complex feelings and learn new emotional vocabulary. Watch a movie like Twilight, where a character’s anger is destructive, and talk about that character’s inner life.
Give them alternative ways to express anger.
Do: Punching a pillow, kicking a punching bag, taking deep breaths, or repeatedly bouncing a ball may help diffuse your child’s anger. Explain how physical activities like deep breathing or putting their hands in cold water can calm the emotional part of the brain. Encourage them to come up with their own ideas. Each time they try an alternative, ask if it made them feel better. They may need to try different methods before finding one or two that work.
Get help managing anger.
Do: If your child’s anger turns into aggression toward people, animals, or property, or if your attempts to help them control their anger aren’t working, seek help from a therapist or counselor.
Don’t engage on the battlefield.
Don’t negotiate with your child when they’re in a rage. They’re not rational in those moments and the situation will escalate if you try to reason with them mid-meltdown.
Say
“I want to talk about this but let’s wait until we’re both calmer and can have a conversation.”
Don’t tell a negative story.
Don’t say: “You’re out of control! You’re going to end up in jail the way you’re going!”
Why this approach to your child’s anger works
If you label your child as someone who can’t control their anger, they may come to believe this description of themselves as a fact and feel powerless to change. Help them change their own story and see themselves as someone who can succeed at learning to manage their anger in difficult moments. Read more about anger in kindergartners, first and second graders, older elementary 黄色appers, middle 黄色appers, and teens.
Check out The ultimate guide to social-emotional learning for parents. In our guide, you can see all the aspects of SEL that we cover — from nurturing self-awareness and self-control to building resilience, motivation, and purpose.
