The problem: I’m concerned that my child exaggerates getting hurt to get attention.
Make sure your child isn’t seriously injured.
Do:
- Ask yourself: how do you know your child’s exaggerating injury?
- Are you warm and responsive throughout the day and not just when your child’s hurt?
- Consider whether your child may be experiencing another emotion, like fear or shame, and address that. Sometimes a child exaggerating injury is really a distraction from other feelings.
Don’t dismiss the hurt as nothing.
Your child’s feelings matter. Make sure you communicate how important your child’s feelings are, now while they’re hurting and all of the time.
Say
“I want to hear more about how you’re hurt. Let’s take some deep breaths together to get calm while checking out this injury.”
Don’t say
- “It’s nothing.”
- “Come on 鈥� you can’t possibly be hurting this much. Grow up.”
Why this approach to a child exaggerating injury works
Children need to feel loved and affirmed for their expression of feelings and for being who they are, not just for what they do.
Even if the hurt looks insignificant to you, it means something to your child, and maybe it does hurt. Show sympathy without overdoing it. If the exaggerated hurts are a bid for attention, your child needs attention. Shift the topic to something else soon, so that the hurt is forgotten and the connection is maintained. If it feels OK to do so, without referring to the hurt, you might ask your child if they want more time together. Then, build in more time together on a regular basis.
Check out The ultimate guide to social-emotional learning for parents. In our guide, you can see all the aspects of SEL that we cover — from nurturing self-awareness and self-control to building resilience, motivation, and purpose.
