The problem: My child refuses to turn off the computer, TV, or video games when I ask.
Zoom out on screen time.
Do: Think about your true concern. Is it your child’s lack of cooperation that bothers you, or are you concerned about your child’s screen time? Is it the kind of media they consume or the amount?
Create a clear family agreement about screen time — when it’s allowed and when it isn’t. Refer to the agreement so your reminder doesn’t feel unjust. Have your child set a timer to monitor themselves. Or have your child come up with other strategies for limiting screen time.
Do: Ask your children about the videos or shows they enjoy and learn more about what appeals to them.
Turn off the TV and computers for regular periods of time daily. Everyone.
Have appealing, alternative activities available in your home. Consider spending more personal time with your child — going for a walk, doing crossword puzzles, cooking, reading, writing letters to Grandma, fixing something, or playing a musical instrument for fun.
Don’t give up.
Don’t think it’s a losing battle. Screen time is an ubiquitous part of modern life. Sometimes this fact makes parents just give up. But the truth is that it’s now our job to teach our kids self-control and good choices around media.
Explain why it’s good to unplug.
Say:
- “Our brains need a wide variety of activities in order to develop in a healthy way.”
- “We value having balanced lives, so we watch TV in small doses”
- “Having TV and video games going creates a certain tone in the house that can be limiting. I also like times with music, conversation, and games.”
Don’t issue ultimatums.
Don’t say:
- “If you don’t turn that off right now, I’ll turn it off for you.”
- “If you don’t turn that off right now, I’ll take it away for a month.”
Why this approach to screen time matters
- Threats don’t work. They’re usually made in moments of intense emotion and parents often find they can’t follow through with them. Then what does that teach?
- It’s important to support your child’s growing autonomy so your child develops internal self-control. This also helps prevent power struggles.
